A Beginner’s Guide to Finding Student Housing

I am really terrible at this consistent posting thing. I’m sorry. I’m back in school now, and needless to say, it’s a little busy.

Due to the nature of Toronto, and Toronto housing, student housing is A Job. Many people can’t (or just don’t want to) live in res after first year, which means you have to figure out how to live in Toronto without selling your kidneys or getting a sugar daddy.

 So here’s my guide to the student housing market in Toronto, and the options you have. Good luck.

1-Stay in res. It’s not so bad, right? If you have this option, it’s reasonable to take your school up. Never mind that it’s really not cheaper than finding an apartment, and the rules can be a little tight-hope you don’t want to have people over after 7 pm!

2-Ok, so res isn’t for you. That’s ok! Time to get online and look at apartments! Send out some emails to people who seem nice, because there’s no way in hell you’re going to be able to find a place without a roommate.

3-Literally only hear back from 1/20 of the people you sent messages to.

4-Send out 50 more emails.

5-Set up viewings with the 4 people who actually got back to you, and plan a day in the city to go see them.

6-The day is here! First up is the first category of places you’re going to see, the “too good to be true”. At a reasonable price, nice neighbourhood, and lack of cigarette smoke stench, you can’t believe this place is still available!

7- You get a call 10 mins before your appointment. Someone just signed the lease, and it was the last unit they had available. However, if you want a 2 bedroom, that is available, for only $2500 a month! What a steal! You thank them for their time and cry in your car.

8-You’re sad, but don’t give up! The next place is the second category of housing! Super inclusive rent-a-rooms! What could possible go wrong? Upon arrival, you remove your shoes as the 40-year-old housemother invites you in. There’s the faintest hint of weed, and you follow closely behind her as she explains that judgement,privilege, and gendered pronouns are not welcome here. The place is nice enough, but hasn’t been updated or even cleaned in a while. When you ask what the breakdown of the residents is, your tour guide explains that there are 6 people (once again stressing that there’s no concept of gender in this household), 2 furries and a dragonkin, along with her, but she doesn’t identify as “living there”. You don’t see a razor during the entire tour. You walk in on some of the residents screaming about trump, one with a button that declares themselves an “anarcho-communist”, and the housemother shows you their wall of framed protest signs-apparently, every Saturday, there is a house bonding activity-almost always going to rallies. After leaving, you receive an email saying that “the lesbian palace would be delighted to invite you to live with them.”

9-You decide to get lunch to digest that experience

10-Ok, round 3. It can’t be any weirder than the last one, right? Once again renting a room, but the lady…. Mrs Li? You think? Seemed really sweet over email.

11-You spend 45 minutes trying to find the address because none of the signs in the neighbourhood are in English.

12-Once you actually find it, Mrs Li greets you at the door. She gives you disposable slippers for your viewing. Turns out, she lives in the house too!

The house is surprisingly quiet for housing students. Mrs Li explains that this is because of the house quiet hours. When asked to explain, she tells you that this house observes quite hours for 23 hours a day, allowing 1 hour of group study. When you inquire as to why (it’s not exam season) she retorts with the fact that it’s ALWAYS exam season.

The house is very well kept, and you mention this- Mrs Li explains that if you make a mess you have to hire a maid, because she doesn’t trust your cleaning.

Upon viewing the kitchen, you see a sign up list on the door. Mrs Li explains that in order to maintain quiet hours, students sign up for their half-hour daily kitchen time and stick to it. The lock on the door suggests that she’s not exaggerating.

You see a resident for the first time! You try to make conversation, but he refuses your eye contact and shuffles into the bathroom. Mrs Li explains that the boys and girls aren’t allowed to talk to each other, even when quiet hours aren’t in session. On your way out, Mrs Li gives you a 10-page booklet with the house rules. Some that particularly pique your interest include the $15 ‘inconvenience’ fee to have a friend over, the total ban on alcohol(even if you are of age), the ‘silent hours’ between 5pm and 11am where you aren’t allowed to leave your room, and ‘lockout hours’, whe you won’t be able to get back into the house after 7pm. Maybe this isn’t the place for you….

13-Ok, but this place will be ok! It’s a basement apartment, all to yourself! You view it, and it’s a little dumpy, but it’s your own space. It would probably fit into the footprint of your bedroom at home, and there’s more than a little bit of mould, but you don’t have to deal with over-invested landlords or someone in a fursuit. You’re not totally sure it’s a legal listing, to be honest-but who cares! Cash only is fineeee. Everyone upstairs is in CompSci, so you KNOW there won’t be a peep from them. Your parents aren’t so ok with it because there’s a guy that’s on something on your driveway, and there isn’t a square inch that hasn’t been tagged, but you’re sure it’ll be fine. You shake hands with the super, and he explains the logistics. You find out you’re expected to sign for the whole house, not just the room in the basement-meaning you’d be on the hook for everyone else’s rent if they don’t pay. You’re REALLY not sure this is legal…..

14- You decide to give your friend’s idea a go-you make friends with someone who has 24 access to either the engineering or architecture buildings, rent a locker at the athletic centre, and get a meal plan. You shower at the athletic centre, eat in the dining halls, do laundry at your friend’s house, and sleep(like so many exhausted students) in the lounges of the professional faculties! Look at how smart you are! You’re going to ace this semester!